One must always be prepared for the day the living dead walk the earth. This is just as important as setting your smoke detectors and planning escapes routes for various fire scenarios. Let’s say you are stuck in a mysterious cabin in the woods, located in the middle of nowhere (the scary one, where if you run away in a straight line, you will always end up at that cabin...that mean, menacing cabin). This is where you realize that you have unfinished business and must fulfill your destiny to save the annoying neighbor in distress from the evil zombie king. I know what you are thinking; “Boohoo, the cheese-fest zombie king is coming to get me.” But that is when you realize that he is in fact not a zombie, but a wicked wizard who is controlling the zombies with his magic staff, topped off with some sort of snake head. oh! Or a zebra head! What if you were not prepared for this situation? Would you be saying, “I wish I were prepared for this situation.” Or maybe, “I vaguely remember seeing an article on some blog somewhere. I should have paid more attention. I also should have given the author some money. She sure was smart, brave, pretty…” uhmm…I digress. Back on topic. So you aren’t prepared. You will find that a zombie will be momentarily biting your jugular vain or munching on your exquisite brain. If only this type of stuff was taught in school instead of that useless inglish corse, you would not have to turn into a mindless zombie. Now back to the wizard. What is his name? Where is he from? Why does he control a legion of zombies? What is with that raccoon grinning over his wizardy shoulder? Who cares! Why haven’t you run away the second you saw the first zombie! Why do you even know he has an evil grinning raccoon? What the hell was this post supposed to be about? Let’s end this before it goes out of hand. Wizards are good, unless they’re evil wizards, or accompanied by a grinning raccoon.
The baseball bat is recognized along with several other blunt objects a traditional way of killing zombies. The best part about these hitting machines is that it is very hard to miss your target (unless you are Wendy Torrance in Kubrick’s The Shining ).Beating the living dead’s head in with a crowbar, or even a hockey stick, is a method that is still being practiced in zombie entertainment today. Using this method requires a large team along with you, all armed, in case you turn around the next corner and bite off more then you can chew. There are various results from trying to bash a zombie to death (well…deader) Results include, though are not limited to 1) “I totally worked that zombie and now my golf club is stuck in his head, and there is a zombie behind me gnawing on my shoulder” 2) “I can’t seem to even damage this zombie and I think he’s mocking me with his moaning insults”, and 3) “I swear I killed that exact zombie once before and I don’t think I was really meant for this wor
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