Sewer Dwellers

Zombies have a characteristic that can be found in many other types of bedtime stories monsters. A taste for human flesh… The sewer dwellers are a species closely related to zombies except they have more sense in choosing their victims. Zombies tend to go for whatever they can get, whenever they can. Even if over a hundred other zombies have the same idea. You know when you’re trapped in a house and all the zombies are trying to get a bite out of you; it is not like one human can feed an onslaught of zombies. Perhaps they are just followers and don’t want the other zombies to think they are uncool.

Anyways, back to their cousins, the sewer dwellers. Sewer dwellers are the bodies that are dumped into the sewer by some hire man trying to cover his or her boss’s tracks. The horrible betrayal that the victims have endured makes them quite bitter… and not so optimistic (that’s probably why they live so long… just to make their lives even more miserably then it already is). The one goal that all sewer dwellers try to achieve is to make everyone feel as terrible as they do. Like sometimes they come out of the sewers at night and spray paint your mail box. Of course no one is going to blame the obvious sewer dwellers…no they blame teenagers (like we would do such a thing).

Unlike the classic zombies, sewer dwellers are very good at communicating. This way they can still order pizza with anchovies and peanut-butter, their favorite. Also zombies are not shy, and never hide from humanity. In fact you can’t hold a zombie back when there is a delicious… succulent, meaty, little human, just waiting to be ripped apart… But I’m not into that stuff. Sewer dwellers hide in darkness and train crocodiles to do there bidding.

Now the part everyone needs to know when confronting a sewer dweller. A) Look at them straight in the eyes, and if they don’t have any, just look where they would be if they had. B) Don’t look disgusted, but more sympathetic, and speak kindly. C) Don’t ask them if they know how to speak because their not stupid, their just mutilated rotting flesh. D) Once talking peacefully, tell them how you are alike and not obviously different. These four steps can save you when confronting a sewer dweller.