“The probability in this day of age for a zombie popping out from underneath your bed is very high,” says some doctor (or claimed to be a doctor) we found in some dark spooky alley way. He appears to have a Phd in zombietology, and has been in the field for over five years now, trying to get the worlds attention about crucial zombie information that humans have the right to know about. “Already I heard of five classified cases of zombies popping out from underneath children’s, newlyweds, and grandparent’s beds.” His expression goes dimmer as he also talks about how people never believe these stories when they hear or see them. “The majority of humans today have never seen a zombie before, and the ones that have seemed to always be shipped off to some sort of asylum. They are made to look like a bunch of loonies!” I did not get any more info from the doctor because the sound of police sirens at the next block forced the doctor to make a quick getaway.
I decided to take matters into my own hands and answer my own questions about these odd zombie occurrences. After some in depth research watching Hollywood monster films, I came to the conclusion that zombies do not just pop out from underneath someone’s bed. In fact, the more obvious and practical places are behind a stairwell, around the next corner, and in the future, where the zombie has been in some sort of freezer in a locked up basement and his brain is still preserved. Once unthawed, the most unlucky person in the world is there when the zombie wakes up from his deep nap.
I noticed ever since I’ve been in contact with the zombietologist that I have been seeing an odd big black van parked across the street from my house with the occasional men in tidy black uniforms peeking out of the van door window. When I’m on my cordless phone having a casual conversation with my mother, I can hear them in the background ever so slightly. Why would they be keeping such a close eye on me? It is almost as though they could have been monitoring all my phone calls and other routines…, but that would be silly.
Finally at this very moment I think I have the mystery solved. All the clues link together. The zombie doctor, the big black van, my mother, and the phone bill I forgot to pay. It is all because. Ouch! Wait. Where are you taking me? NO! You won’t take me alive! I must finish this blog. The people must knoooooooooww…