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Good Ol'Granny


One summer evening in my quiet mountain town, living in my Winnebago I heard a knocking at the door. Quickly I went to answer hoping it would be those brownie girls selling chocolates. Unfortunately it was my great grandmother paying another one of her long visits from the dead. How I hate when she comes unexpectedly, since my whole neighborhood by this time is calling the cops. The good thing is… the cops stopped taking their calls a long time ago.

Anyway, I know a handy trick to shorten these visits from any living dead relative. With my method you can go on with your daily routines like milking the cows, and making sure your house always has four blue, black, and red pens present at all times (the most important routine of all). First you welcome your old relative in your house, so the neighborhood doesn't get too nosy. Second, you bring out the book of the dead (available at any local library). Then you recite the words gullio-goo-goey-goop. Try to put the words together in a fast sentence, but mess up; then your house will be sent to another dimension. If said correct, your relative will feel the urge that he or she has unfinished business and head off for their much needed destiny fulfilling. You should now have at least a good two, three weeks before she comes back. Kind of like your last waxing.

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