Skip to main content

Beware of the Zompiks!


People always believe that zombies will eat whatever they get their hands on (juicy melons, rump, a liver, or a pair of Kidneys). Yes they are frightening… but not as frightening as the real picky zombies. They are known as Zompiks. A regular zombie would eat your internal organs without even questioning the quality, but the Zompiks would never take a whiff of those internal organs unless they are salted for weeks then sprinkled with human eye flakes. How do they salt these human internal organs? Well you have a net that is floating on top of the ocean water marinating raw meat with sea salt. Once both sides of the bloody mess have the sea salt on them, the Zompiks will use their mindless zombie slaves to pull the net in onto the shore and let the internal organs dry within the sunbeams. It’s a simple method and the zombie slaves are awarded with the left over human limbs, because the Zompiks believe the limbs are eaten by the more unintelligent zombies. Some times the Zompiks eat the humans alive because the meat gives them more energy to frolic around during the day. So if you are to be eaten by a Zompik, just know that your death is not going to be an easy one, so it would be best to be bitten by a regular zombie and join their zombie horde or hope for some miracle that all the zombies around you (500…600 I’m counting) will be struck by lightning.

Comments

Anonymous said…
So what your saying is the zompiks are some sort of zombie-leader? If so, why hasen't humanity attempted to forge an alliance with the zompiks and destroy aliens or sea-beasts of some sorts?

Popular posts from this blog

Those Smart Zombies that Make You Look Bad!

You know that you have bad luck when you confront a smart zombie. How these zombies gain their brain power is simple; once they eat over one thousand human brains it makes up for their stupidity. This is why all the juicy brainy scientists seem to die out, and we are left with farmers and their pitchforks to defend the human race. Smart zombies are extremely clever and witty, and love to tell jokes about world domination, guts, and gore. All the newly born zombies (recently bitten) look up to the smart zombie. They look to him for answers about how to assort flowers by shape and color (Also where to place severed human heads to momentarily shock humans while the zombies do their sneak attack). It is wise not to pick a fight with an intelligent zombie because you will only make a fool of yourself. As you try to pull the two finger poke in the eyes trick, the smart zombie will totally deny you by blocking it with his one hand placed in the middle of his eyes. Your confidence decreases as...

Sewer Dwellers

Zombies have a characteristic that can be found in many other types of bedtime stories monsters. A taste for human flesh… The sewer dwellers are a species closely related to zombies except they have more sense in choosing their victims. Zombies tend to go for whatever they can get, whenever they can. Even if over a hundred other zombies have the same idea. You know when you’re trapped in a house and all the zombies are trying to get a bite out of you; it is not like one human can feed an onslaught of zombies. Perhaps they are just followers and don’t want the other zombies to think they are uncool. Anyways, back to their cousins, the sewer dwellers. Sewer dwellers are the bodies that are dumped into the sewer by some hire man trying to cover his or her boss’s tracks. The horrible betrayal that the victims have endured makes them quite bitter… and not so optimistic (that’s probably why they live so long… just to make their lives even more miserably then it already is). The one goal that...

Handy Dandy Hitting Machines

The baseball bat is recognized along with several other blunt objects a traditional way of killing zombies. The best part about these hitting machines is that it is very hard to miss your target (unless you are Wendy Torrance in Kubrick’s The Shining ).Beating the living dead’s head in with a crowbar, or even a hockey stick, is a method that is still being practiced in zombie entertainment today. Using this method requires a large team along with you, all armed, in case you turn around the next corner and bite off more then you can chew. There are various results from trying to bash a zombie to death (well…deader) Results include, though are not limited to 1) “I totally worked that zombie and now my golf club is stuck in his head, and there is a zombie behind me gnawing on my shoulder” 2) “I can’t seem to even damage this zombie and I think he’s mocking me with his moaning insults”, and 3) “I swear I killed that exact zombie once before and I don’t think I was really meant for this wor...