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Those Smart Zombies that Make You Look Bad!

You know that you have bad luck when you confront a smart zombie. How these zombies gain their brain power is simple; once they eat over one thousand human brains it makes up for their stupidity. This is why all the juicy brainy scientists seem to die out, and we are left with farmers and their pitchforks to defend the human race. Smart zombies are extremely clever and witty, and love to tell jokes about world domination, guts, and gore. All the newly born zombies (recently bitten) look up to the smart zombie. They look to him for answers about how to assort flowers by shape and color (Also where to place severed human heads to momentarily shock humans while the zombies do their sneak attack). It is wise not to pick a fight with an intelligent zombie because you will only make a fool of yourself. As you try to pull the two finger poke in the eyes trick, the smart zombie will totally deny you by blocking it with his one hand placed in the middle of his eyes. Your confidence decreases as...
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Handy Dandy Hitting Machines

The baseball bat is recognized along with several other blunt objects a traditional way of killing zombies. The best part about these hitting machines is that it is very hard to miss your target (unless you are Wendy Torrance in Kubrick’s The Shining ).Beating the living dead’s head in with a crowbar, or even a hockey stick, is a method that is still being practiced in zombie entertainment today. Using this method requires a large team along with you, all armed, in case you turn around the next corner and bite off more then you can chew. There are various results from trying to bash a zombie to death (well…deader) Results include, though are not limited to 1) “I totally worked that zombie and now my golf club is stuck in his head, and there is a zombie behind me gnawing on my shoulder” 2) “I can’t seem to even damage this zombie and I think he’s mocking me with his moaning insults”, and 3) “I swear I killed that exact zombie once before and I don’t think I was really meant for this wor...
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Most Frequent Asked Zombie Question...?

If a zombie infects you by their bite, is it curable? Yes it can be cured by two simple methods, though both very painful and just as deadly. The first method is immediately chainsaw the bitten limb before the little Ooobers spread through your body. Ooobers are the deadly germs within the zombie's teeth that act as a poison and turn you into a mindless zombie. They look like the Great Gazoo from the sixth season of the Flintstones . Also I remind you that it would suck if the zombie took a bite out of your jugular, and thinking decapitating yourself would save your skin. The Second method takes more guts than pain. Once a zombie bites you, you immediately bite the zombie back in the same place. The Ooobers that were transferred into you go back to the zombie. I recommend that this method is done with extreme caution. If there is an onslaught of zombies around you, I'm afraid that the only path you will walk is the zombie path. Also, they won't care if you're trying to ...
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